#13

disclosure: this is something I wrote in regards to the attack against the LGBT community that occurred in Orlando, FL on June 12, 2016 . As a member of the LGBT community, this attack saddened me to the very core, it shook my world and the world of many others. May the ones who’ve passed rest in peace.

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when I first got to hold the hand of the woman that I loved, I felt fear and shame shake my very bones.
I stared at the man next to where we were both seated as he stared back in disgust.
How could I be shamed for holding the hand of a woman?
I didn’t quite seem to understand but yet the fear in my heart kept pumping throughout my entire body and didn’t dare leave me alone.
The only thing that I could picture in my head was the disgust that i thought my family could feel.
How would they feel knowing that the person they love, loves someone else of the same gender?
as I stared at that man next to us, I couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable, I wanted to crawl into a space and just hide.
I wanted to hide from his judgement, I wanted to hide from my fear.
I slowly pulled my hand away from hers, and told her that I wasn’t quite comfortable yet, and God bless her soul, she told me it was all right, she understood.
And that’s when it hit me.
How could a woman understand the pain and the uncomfortable situation that I was in, as if it was nothing unusual to her?
That’s because it wasn’t.
The woman that stared right at me with her loving eyes and her pretty smile had a heart indented with pain.
pain from the backlash she has received her whole life from simply loving someone.
It was never a game to us two, and it was never quite fun to be criticized for loving each other just as a man and a woman do.
I don’t understand how I can’t freely express my love for someone without a person turning their head more than once.
I thought love conquered all, so why am I to this day and age fighting who I am, why do I have to hide who I love?
Love isn’t a battle to fight and it certainly isn’t meant to cause harm.
Love is an emotion so powerful that brings warmth into your heart and intertwines souls with one another.
& just because the soul that I loved wasn’t a man, doesn’t mean that my love was any different.
And as that man continued to stare, I took a deep breath and held that girl’s hand and gave her a kiss.
Her eyes lit up like lanterns and her grip on my hand only got tighter.
As his eyes burned with anger, and rage; our eyes burned with love and care.
And that’s all that ever mattered.
Being gay was never a choice, and it was never something I woke up and decided to be.
Being gay is a part of me, it’s part of my identity and it’s who my soul is.
No one should ever be afraid to hold their partners hand, and no one should ever be afraid of loving someone.
Love can only bring us all together, love always wins.

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