If I saw you again, I don’t know what I’d say, I don’t know what I do.

I play the mental image of us meeting at times, but to me it never turns out too good.

You see, you hid me from everyone for as long as I could remember.

I wasn’t up to par with your expectations in a woman, not even close. But, I fulfilled your sexual desires while you fulfilled my desire for attention.

We passed by the hallways as we pretended we didn’t know each other, but I’d catch you staring every time I walked your way.

You tried to avoid speaking to me, and even went so far to humiliate me but I’d still trail along hoping that what I was going through would prove even a small amount of something to you.

I tried to get your attention in every way that I could, because I desperately wanted you to want me as much I did for you.

But you never did, and you never will. Because no matter what I did to have you, I’d always come out of the battle with a sore body and empty hands.

I had you moaning in pleasure weekdays after school as you were close to me like no one else was. We were as intimate as two grown people in a relationship.

But, to you this was just it. It was sex, no more and no less.

Once it was all said and done, I’d watch as you get yourself up from me and get dressed without saying a word. You’d say “alright, it’s time for you to go”.

I had looked at your naked body a handful of times, and you treated me as if I’ve never seen this part of you. You just wanted me as far away as possible from you.

You never looked at me in the eyes, or even kissed me a goodbye. It seemed like you were trying your very hardest to let this be what you wanted this to be.

I was just a “fuckbuddy” but then again, you couldn’t even treat me like a buddy.

You were too busy chasing other girls you wanted, giving love to those who you thought deserved it. While I stayed in the background and observed it all, with nothing to say.

I would swear to myself repeatedly, that enough was enough. But, every time I got that 1 am text reading “you up”? I couldn’t help but smile and think to myself maybe this time he’ll come around.

But, after much years of waiting, you never did.

I brushed your presence maybe once after those rendezvous we had at school, but you hadn’t changed. You couldn’t even stutter out a hello.

You’re trying to erase every memory you have of me, and that’s okay. That makes two of us.

I never understood why you acted the way you did, maybe you’d tell me “it was just sex”. Something you loved to tell me.

Maybe I overanalyzed things way more than I should’ve. That could be solely my fault, but I knew somehow that our story was much more different.

Because to me, you weren’t just sex. Because it never started that way. I met you even before you knew who I was, even before the shitshow that unraveled throughout high school.

You were the kid I spent most of my summer days talking to, the kid who I swore I’d give it up to.

Remember how upset you were when you realized you weren’t my first? You said you were special. And darling, believe it you were.

Because no matter the hurt you caused me, I always saw the hurt that were in your eyes. I knew your story, I knew you played this role to keep up the façade you were trying so hard to keep together.

And for that, I will never hold it against you.

But for all those girls, I saw you conquest there was I who hoped that one day she’d be conquered too.

For all the damage you did to me, it just made me want to take care of you. Sounds crazy huh?

I just wanted you to be okay before I was, because lord knows you needed it more than I did.

I hope your life is different than what it used to be, and that you finally found your happiness.

But next time we bump into each other, why don’t you come over and say “hi”?





Segregation and discrimination?
What has happened to our nation?
We’re the land of the free, and the home of the brave.
So what has happened to our brothers and our sisters, screaming nothing but fear and pain?
Where has our freedom gone?
We’re dubbed one of the greatest nations in the entire world, so why are we causing harm behind closed doors?
Did we all forget what we learned in history class?
Did we seem to forget the speech that meant to unite us all?
Didn’t we have a dream? Just like Martin Luther King Jr, did?
53 years later and his dream has been pushed off the edge.
Why is it that 53 years later, there’s more blood being shed?
Martin Luther King Jr once said “I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.”
All men are created equal…
So how come many have the guts to judge a person by the color of their skin, and not by their character?
How come we still live in a nation, where people of color have to dwell in stereotypes and negativity?
Why do we choose to live in a world where we blindly separate black and white?
Shouldn’t we all live in an array of technicolor?
Many might say “but we have all co-existed, segregation is no longer around”
But, take a look around you, our brothers and sisters are dying, they’ve become victims of senseless crimes, what do you mean we have all co-existed?
Don’t you see racism is still alive?
Victims of police brutality, stereotypes, discrimination, poverty….
Don’t you see?
How could we let this be?
We’ve let our fellow Americans down, and the best we could do is sent apologies via social media.
It’s time to make a change, it’s time to stand up for what is right.
No longer should a person be victimized by the color of their skin or where they came from.
Each person is the same from within.
All with a heart, a brain, and a set of organs that keeps them alive.
Let’s fight in the names of those who are unheard, let’s fight for the ones who’ve died in the arms of brutality.
We can no longer allow our nation to dissipate in this kind of way.
What happened to feeling safe in the arms of a police officer?
What happened to feeling safe while walking down the street?
You might say “oh, but he was wearing a hoodie and looked all ‘thug’, wouldn’t you be scared too?”
But child, do you not hear yourself?
How can articles of clothing intimidate one to pull the trigger?
Was it because it was an african American boy underneath all that clothing?
See how you’re all silent?
Now it’s one boy dead, and hundreds to mourn in his name.
How did we let it get this way?
Martin Luther King Jr stood on a podium back on 1963 for this.
He risked it ALL to one day put an end to this!
So, how come we’ve paid him no mind?
How have we allowed ourselves to fall asleep every night after watching a brother get ruthlessly shot on CNN?
God, I can feel my gut wrench as I hear another name being let out on TV.
Another name who once was, who no longer is.
A name that will lie underneath the dirt hole that has been buried for him.
This world was made for all of us, it was created to be our home.
And we’re destroying it with every chance that we get.
We riot, we loot, and we kill all in the name of peace.
But how blind can you be to add more fuel to the fire?
More than 50 years ago, men and woman protested peacefully down the streets for our civil rights.
Men and women died for the cause, men and women were jailed for the cause.
So how come were turning back history and living it all over again?
It’s become quite apparent that those who fought never seemed to matter anyway.
We’ve simply stepped over their graves and never even said a thank you.
Instead of fighting as our eyes burn red with anger, let our hearts fill with love and with care.
Let’s protect ourselves from the evils that reside in this world.
All we truly have is each other.
Martin Luther King Jr. once said “I have a dream…”
Let’s make his dream become a reality.
Let us begin to end the suffering of those who cry in pain and writhe in agony.
Let’s speak for those who were unheard.
And let’s begin to build our nation from the ground up, and stand united.
May God bless the United States of America.


imageI should’ve never allowed you to speak.
I should’ve walked away from the moment you held my hand.
I don’t know why I let you continue the tricks you wanted to play with my mind.
Continuous heartbreaks left me dead inside, left my heart shriveled up inside my chest.
So how come whenever I saw you, I’d feel a faint beat emit from within me?
I should’ve screamed words that punctured your heart when you uttered the words that punctured mine.
I should’ve sent you to hell, but instead I’d pray to the Lord in the heavens, asking for your return.
But I guess he’s been busy because you still haven’t come back.
You said you’d always be here.
So, where are you?
Did you get lost on the way back to me?
How could I have given you everything for just a small percentage of you?
I gave you my body, my soul and even though it was covered in scars and wounds, I gave you my heart.
But instead you’d play with it and you’d grab the biggest knife you had in your possession and cut it to pieces.
But, never once did I ever feel the pain, because for each puncture on my heart was a kiss to my lips.
Blissful ignorance.
And once my heart had bled through its capacity, you handed it back to me and simply said “I’m sorry”
And like a movie, I couldn’t stop hitting the rewind and fast forward button over and over again in my head.
I rewinded to the very moment you laid on top of me in your bed and said “I think I love you”, and I fast forwarded to the very moment you said you couldn’t do it.
What do you mean you couldn’t do it?
Was loving me a hectic 9 to 5 that had you ripping your hairs out at the end of the day?
Or was it all a facade you played to fill that void in your chest that you call your heart?
You claimed to say you’re sorry, but you got to walk away with your live and beating heart all cozied up in between your chest, while I had mine in the palm of my hands.
It was torn up with wounds all around it, and on the very middle was a lip stain the color of the lipstick you always loved to wear.
A lip stain in the shade of red.
And as you began to get smaller and smaller the more you walked away from me, I stared at that lip stain blazed in red, and watched my heart let out its one last beat before it died in the very palm of my hands.


disclosure: this is something I wrote in regards to the attack against the LGBT community that occurred in Orlando, FL on June 12, 2016 . As a member of the LGBT community, this attack saddened me to the very core, it shook my world and the world of many others. May the ones who’ve passed rest in peace.


when I first got to hold the hand of the woman that I loved, I felt fear and shame shake my very bones.
I stared at the man next to where we were both seated as he stared back in disgust.
How could I be shamed for holding the hand of a woman?
I didn’t quite seem to understand but yet the fear in my heart kept pumping throughout my entire body and didn’t dare leave me alone.
The only thing that I could picture in my head was the disgust that i thought my family could feel.
How would they feel knowing that the person they love, loves someone else of the same gender?
as I stared at that man next to us, I couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable, I wanted to crawl into a space and just hide.
I wanted to hide from his judgement, I wanted to hide from my fear.
I slowly pulled my hand away from hers, and told her that I wasn’t quite comfortable yet, and God bless her soul, she told me it was all right, she understood.
And that’s when it hit me.
How could a woman understand the pain and the uncomfortable situation that I was in, as if it was nothing unusual to her?
That’s because it wasn’t.
The woman that stared right at me with her loving eyes and her pretty smile had a heart indented with pain.
pain from the backlash she has received her whole life from simply loving someone.
It was never a game to us two, and it was never quite fun to be criticized for loving each other just as a man and a woman do.
I don’t understand how I can’t freely express my love for someone without a person turning their head more than once.
I thought love conquered all, so why am I to this day and age fighting who I am, why do I have to hide who I love?
Love isn’t a battle to fight and it certainly isn’t meant to cause harm.
Love is an emotion so powerful that brings warmth into your heart and intertwines souls with one another.
& just because the soul that I loved wasn’t a man, doesn’t mean that my love was any different.
And as that man continued to stare, I took a deep breath and held that girl’s hand and gave her a kiss.
Her eyes lit up like lanterns and her grip on my hand only got tighter.
As his eyes burned with anger, and rage; our eyes burned with love and care.
And that’s all that ever mattered.
Being gay was never a choice, and it was never something I woke up and decided to be.
Being gay is a part of me, it’s part of my identity and it’s who my soul is.
No one should ever be afraid to hold their partners hand, and no one should ever be afraid of loving someone.
Love can only bring us all together, love always wins.


imageshe’s the devil in the black vans and the raybans.
the low life with the skinny jeans and cigarette stained teeth.
she knows what makes you tick, but she knows just what’ll give you cold feet.
she’ll spit words that’ll drive anyone insane.
she’ll do anything to just fuck with your brain.
she knows just what she has to do to watch you tremble.
but she’ll smile as you do and say “relax, I’m just being gentle”
don’t get it mistaken, she doesn’t want you and she doesn’t even need you.
but she’ll have you screaming her name in ecstasy and have you believing it’ll always be just you two.
but it never will be, because once she’s done she’ll escort you out of her apartment door and tell you goodbye.
as the door slams, you come down from that bittersweet high.
now you see yourself stranded in your own hell. you allowed yourself to be entranced by her spell.
because the next time your phone rings, you’ll tell yourself not this time.
but you’ll only find yourself on the floor of her bedroom in the next hour committing the same goddamn crime.


imageWe were just two souls trying to find happiness in each other’s bodies.
We explored each other like maps and traced our fingertips along the cities that laid across our bare bodies.
It was just you and I, hiding in the corners of your room, playing hide & go seek as we searched for love amongst us.
The world was our own private playground, and you were there by my side, holding my hand like a little schoolboy helplessly in love.
You were my body’s tourist and I was your tour guide, guiding you through the climaxes and gasps in the air to the fast beat of my heart.
You trembled as you tried to express the words you wanted to say, but the way your breath intensified as you touched me said it all.
And when it was all over, you laid next to me and said “I feel like I’ve traveled the world with you.”
And so we did, we traveled the world that we could grab with our bare hands; the world that was our bodies and our hearts.
After all we were just two souls looking for happiness, even if it was under your tropical blanket.


you seem to be playing hide and go seek with the sun as the clouds rain over your bruised body.

you’re covered in dirt and leaves, screaming “come out, come out wherever you are.”

But all you ever get in return is the echo of thunder as it booms in your ears.

All you ever want to feel is the warmth of the sun penetrate your very skin, but it seems as if the chances have become very slim. 

Each peek of the sun’s rays becomes a newfound hope, just a small step closer.

But it seems to be pulled away from your own eyes as you extend your arms towards the very light you crave.

It’s too painful to keep going, why would you keep going, when the thunder pops your ears and the rocks under your feet begin to puncture your skin?

Your hazel eyes begin to well up with water, just like the grey clouds above you.

A tear falls onto the very floor and all you could hear was a plop.

The rain seems to stop.

In the very corner of your eyes, you could see the sun’s light as it makes shadows dance around you.

You start to scream “come out, come out wherever you are.”

Thunder begins to rumble above you as loud as ever and you begin to shiver.

Your heart palpitates, and your eyes become wide, but all you could tell yourself was, “run”.

Clouds chase after you, and thunder starts to roar but there you were…finally standing in front of the sunshine you have craved all along.

You took yourself this far.

Your body has bruised and you’ve fallen in fear almost every time.

But you finally allowed yourself to run from the clouds, and for the first time in years the rocks under your feet didn’t seem to hurt anyway.